New Year's Resolutions Celebs Should Make for 2008

Lindsay Lohan

Hire a driver

We applaud you for seeking help and doing hard time. But given two DUIs, one car chase and two rehab stints (or is it three? we've lost count), maybe the issue isn't drugs after all. Back awaaay from the SUV, Lindsay. Good girl.

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Bill Murray

Upgrade to 'Stripes' tank

First 'Caddyshack' and then your '07 arrest for driving a golf cart while intoxicated in Sweden -- wow, golfing is way more interesting when you're involved. So, hey, let's up the ante and maybe at some point in '08 we'll see this headline: "Acting Legend Arrested for Driving Tank Drunk in Russia."

Jessica Biel

Say 'yes' to Wonder Woman

We get it. You don't want to be pigeonholed. But you kicked butt in 'Blade: Trinity,' and there's nobody we'd rather see as an invisible-jet-piloting Amazonian babe in the 'Justice League' movie. So skip 'Chuck & Larry 2' and a do something 'Wonder'-ful instead.

Jessica Alba

Say 'no' to 'Good Luck Chuck 2'

Mazel tov, Ms. Alba. Now that you're expecting, slow down your busy career and put some serious thought into your future acting choices. We like you. Most of your movies? Not so much.

Eddie Murphy

Put down the fat suit

Oh, Eddie. Didn't your mom ever tell you, just because you CAN wear a fat suit doesn't mean that you SHOULD? We get it. You're a funny fat guy. Now stop hiding behind the rolls and be the brilliant skinny guy we know you are.

J.K. Rowling

Next time, out a character BEFORE killing him off

While Harry and co. were out snogging all over Hogwarts, poor Dumbledore was secretly carrying the torch of his man-love for Grindelwald -- and you snuffed him out before he could come out. That's like killing a wizard before he gets to use his wand.

Dustin Hoffman

Ask George Clooney for help picking roles

Come on, Dustin, you're a legend. And yet we have to see you with a gargantuan afro and loopy lisp in 'Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium.' Find out what George Clooney's next project is and get yourself a part in that. We bet it won't have 'Magorium' in the title.

Mandy Moore

Read the actual script before you say 'yes'

We dig your comedic timing, Mandy, and think that with the right script you could really rock a quirky comedy. But in one calendar year, you subjected us to 'License to Wed' and 'Because I Said So.' That's just plain cruel.

Mickey Rourke

Get a Harley

Dude, you're the star of '9 1/2 Weeks' and 'Sin City.' You're supposed to be a womanizing, hard-partying badass -- and you get arrested for DUI on a puny little Vespa scooter? Take a cue from John Travolta and buy yourself a Wild Hog.

Evan Rachel Wood

Blink twice if the Devil is forcing you

Sure, Marilyn Manson's an awesome guy. But every time we see you together -- the Beauty and the Freak -- we're worried that there's more to this than meets the eye. Just give us a sign. We're here to help.

Brangelina

Adopt another baby (or 3)

Don't tease! You say you're "not finished" adding to your brood and you're ready for another baby, so what's the hold-up? You know we're endlessly fascinated with your growing family. Step it up.

Richard Gere

Keep your lips to yourself

Hey Dick, you're a cultured intellectual, an accomplished activist and a devout Buddhist, so what were you thinking when you groped Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty like you'd just won a Best Actor Oscar and her name was Halle? But hey, not everyone can say they've had effigies of them burned.

Steve Carell

Avoid comedies that cost more than the GNP of El Salvador

After your star exploded with '40-Year-Old Virgin' and 'Little Miss Sunshine,' we suppose you were due for a 'Bewitched'-like bust. But $175 million for a family comedy? That's about $35 million per each laugh 'Evan Almighty' offered.

Jessica Simpson

Get a gig as a Cowboys cheerleader

Sorry, Jess, but we don't think your acting career's going to take off. So since you're dating QB Tony Romo anyway, maybe you could strut your stuff for the Cowboys. That's acting ... sort of. And it'd be a nice up-yours to the fans who blame you for the worst game of Romo's life.

Chris Tucker

Take six more years off

You're still considered a hero in many circles for the ghetto genius that is 'Friday,' and we applaud you for staying away from the sequels. Too bad the same can't be said for the 'Rush Hour' series, which is all you've given us over a decade. Maybe it's time to find some fresh material.

Pamela Anderson

Don't get married ... or divorced

Breaking news! Pam Anderson is divorcing Rick Salomon, Hubby #3, after two months! Or not! God love ya, Pam, but keeping up with your marital whims is exhausting. Ever consider that you and marriage just aren't meant to be?

Ben Affleck

Stay in the director's chair

You've got a handsome mug and all, but your best work of late has been behind the camera for 'Gone Baby Gone.' That gritty and heartbreaking crime drama has nearly erased the painful memories caused by 'Gigli' and 'Surviving Christmas.'

Jennifer Lopez

Buy some real-person maternity clothes

Congrats on the twins, J.Lo! We're thrilled for you. But, listen, get a few outfits that don't include thigh-high boots or Pucci prints and butterfly sleeves. You don't have to dress like Cher on a 'TRL' tear.

Billy Bob Thornton

Go back to drama

It's time to take a break from the comically-mean-guy-who-yells-a-lot roles. We loved it in 'Bad Santa,' but not so much in 'Mr. Woodcock' ... or 'School for Scoundrels' ... or 'Bad News Bears.' Get back to your roots with something in the vein of 'A Simple Plan' or 'Monster's Ball.' Your career will thank us.